Monday, January 23, 2006

Suite One8One

Place was decent. Nice club, but music sucked.

The end of the night saw me not getting involved in a brawl - attempting to stop it like I might have in the past, but have since decided to let fools go about their business - and I seen this dude get KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT. Cold.

It was a punk move because this one cat sucker-punched the other dude, who never saw it coming. I mean, we've got cowardice in the club, cowardice in left-Academia, cowardice in the Right-wingnut-osphere. Sheesh. Stop the madness.

I was worried the dude might be dead, but he woke up in a few minutes. And then his boys went on the stereotypical, "Oh my God! I'm gonna kill that motherfucker!" rampage. I wanted to tell them - "listen, you stupid fucks, what the fuck did you think was gonna happen?" Fuckin idiots.

In any case, club cowardice is a big problem - for clubs, for the police and the courts, and even for innocent bystanders who often get caught up in the mix and are injured when the fists start flying. I have a solution - Fight Club. My middle school wrestling coach, upon finding out that any two kids were talkin shit to one another, would force them into the ring - mano a mano - where they would proceed to beat the fuck out of each other - using only legal wrestling moves. If one guy was a heavyweight (say, 180 lbs) and the other guys was not a heavyweight (say, 130 lbs), then my coach would make them wrestle anyways. After the little kid got his ass kicked (usual) - the coach would jump in the ring (at 150 lbs or so), and proceed to wrap the heavyweight up like a pretzel. The heavyweight would almost be in tears when the coach got done manhandling him, and then you knew there weren't going to be any more problems from those guys. Similarly, I'd like to separate men from the boys, the brave from the merely shit-talking. If you talk shit, be sure about yourself, because someone might tell you they want to take it to the ring. You'll either have to man up or back down. It's all legal - no more sucker punches, no more lawsuits, no more police/court/lawyer involvement, no more injured innocent bystanders, none of that shit - instead, you take it to the ring. It's either boxing, or Ultimate, or Fight Club-like, but it's a better alternative. No more club violence, no more guns. You want a little east coast vs. west coast? Take it to the ring. No more dead Tupacs and Biggies.

On second thought - I can see where this type of thing could lead to a whole new machismo thing, with muscled-up gangs roaming the streets, terrorizing all in their paths. Maybe not such a hot idea after all.

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